TMNT

Finally a title I can pronounce, too bad the film sucked.

When I first got a glimpse of the teaser for TMNT last year, I couldn't find enough people to show, and now it's finally here. Now before I go one lets rewind about 17 years, I was three when the teenage mutant ninja turtles bug bit me. That was when the turtles were bigger than Jesus. They had a hit cartoon series and 3 movies out that at that age were on the same bar as Citizen Kane. I am now 20 and I still consider myself to be a kid, just with a beard, so I was very excited to watch a new turtles film, but nothing would prepare me for this.

CRAP! that was the general word that traveled through the packed theatre that opening night at 10:05 pm. The theatre was so packed with people my age, all there to rekindle their childhood memories, all were disappointed at what we were seeing. I thought after turtles part II when they started line dancing with Vanilla Ice, it couldn't get any worse, but alas I am again proven wrong. I don't think kids would have even enjoyed this crap.

The story sounded like it was written by the producers dog, Some ancient warrior bullshit and some stupid aligning of the stars crap story mixed in with a hokey brotherly feud with the turtles. AGGG!!! Why oh why don't people know how to tell stories anymore. The turtles story would have been good, I love when directors put emotional burdens on top of the hero's shoulders, it brings drama which is always good. But it was ruined by cheesy jokes, dialogue that sounded worse than a old dubbed Japanese movie, and horrible kid punk songs that sounded worse than Simple Plan, actually I think some of it was Simple Plan songs

((shudder)).

The voice acting was also terrible, the one that stood out the most was Splinter. His voice sounded like they recorded an old Japanese man right in the morning before he brushed his teeth, every line sounded like he was asleep or about to die. The turtles were OK, they all sounded the same as always, Mikey kinda got on my nerves, he got over the top sometimes. April O' Neil was voiced by Sarah Michelle Geller who added nothing to the character, she wasn't even a reporter in this film. You could almost hear Sarah Michelle Geller counting her money over the voice track. Another money grab was Patrick Stewart as the somewhat villain of this story, he must have been high reading those lame lines, oh ya i forgot $$$

The animation, finally a part that hits a lil' close to home for me, this was the only thing that saved this film. The animation wasn't bad, unless the characters weren't fighting. The fight scenes were kick ass, the turtles finally fought like they should, like in the comics, But some of the dialogue was out of sync and the animation was a bit floaty. The lighting was very nice, great job during the rain scenes, it actually looked really nice. But that couldn't save this sinking ship.

Overall this film was a big let down, coming off of 300 I thought this was gonna be a great lead into the summer wave of films, but I guess we hit a lil' speed bump, or a speed shell in this case.

I give the TMNT,

1 outta 5 pizza loving turtles

May God have mercy on us all!

Smallville: Promise

Well it's been on hiatus for a month but it's finally here, new Smallville episodes. HOOOORAY!!!
We start back with the climatic Luthor-Lang wedding, and brother this was no doubt one the best episodes of the series. Bold claim eh? Well I explain...

This season began with "Zod", another one of my favourite episodes, but the season kinda had it's ups and downs, but when it hit a high, it was HIGH boy. Promise was a great episode for so many reasons, for one it had a great story, Clark's arch enemy Lex Luthor marrying the love of his life Lana Lang. Already that's a pretty engaging storyline, but the director Rick Rosenthal, a Smallville director regular, took it to a whole new level. The story took place all in one day, but shown through three different perspectives Clark's, Lex's and Lana's. It was so different from what a Smallville episode usual is. This put me in mind of past episodes like "Crusade" and "Reckoning" where the episodes were shot differently than the usual Smallville fare. The episode was also beautifully shot, every episode of Smallville is, but this one had such great camera angles, lighting and the settings were just so perfect.

The script penned by Smallville veterans Brain Peterson and Kelly Souders was just terrific. The dialogue was great, which is good, because sometimes the dialogue in a Smallville episode sounds like it was written by George Lucas. The big event of this episode wasn't just the i do's, it was the reveal of Clark's secret to Lana. Six years in the making and finally Lana found out about Clark's secret. The cool thing is that fans always imagined Lana finding out by Clark telling her, but she actually found out by spying on Clark and seeing him use his powers. The other cool thing was after seeing this she was about to leave Lex hanging at the altar, but Lionel put a stop to it and said that "if she didn't marry Lex he would kill Clark". So Lana regretably married Lex, and Clark now thinks Lex pressured her to marry him. The other thing were the dream sequences, Lex's was the coolest, seeing his babies ultra-sound and revealing that it was some sort of monster. Could that mean that Lex and Lana's baby isn't human? We'll soon find out.

The actors were their finest this whole season, Kristen Kreuk was so good as Lana. Lana has become a hated character because of her wining and constant sadness, but this episode her character was very well done. I actually felt bad for her situation, rather than wish her scenes would go by faster. Lex was as evil as ever in this episode. In one scene he meets with Lana's doctor in the crypt underneath the wedding chapel, the doctor tells Lex that he is going to tell Lana the truth about her baby unless Lex gives him 2 million dollars...blah...blah...the same old black mail thing right? Wrong. Lex starts wailing on the guy, beating him to a bloody pulp until hes dead, and then hides the remains in the crypt's coffin. A really great Lex moment. Clark was also great, I love seeing Superman, the strongest man to ever live, at his weakest. I feel really bad for him. Lionel has once again to be a mystery, he began this season on Clark's side and now is threatening his life, I must say I am glad to see the old asshole Lionel back, but I'm curious to see his intentions.

This season began really strong with episodes like Zod, but kinda cooled off by doing too much episodes with the Green Arrow, he was cool but he kinda overshadowed Clark a bit. But since January this season has been pumping out some of the best episodes of the entire season. Who would have thought Smallville would still be doing great episodes in its sixth season.

Go Smallville WOOO!!!

5/5

300

Well it was just a little over a year ago when I first heard about 300, this was the time when the only synopsis for the film was "coming 2007". And now it was just released three days ago, and actually just made a cool $70 mill at the box office. Could March be on the way of becoming the new May? whatever that's a whole other topic, lets get on with this.

Right off the bat 300 was a great movie. Not flawless, but a great movie nonetheless. The acting was strong, it was visually pleasing and the characters were really cool. As a man who loves Greek mythology I was pleasantly surprised at the way director Zack Snyder blended this historic tale with the world of mythology. Now it wasn't like they added in centaurs or Medusa or anything, all though that would be cool, it was incorperated in to the film. The Persians, described as "immortals" were portrayed as these beasts, and even one of the characters was a hunchback type character.

One thing I couldn't get over was the colour in that film. You now that magic hour that comes around 4:30-5pm when the sky is Orange-yellow, OK now imagine pouring that over a whole film. It may sound weird, but that colour flatters this film so much, the red robes the Spartans wear stand out so much that you cant keep your eyes off them, which is a clever plot device. The effects were very cool, the CG rhino and elephant were really cool, but if they were on film for one more frame they would have bridged the way of looking too computer-ish, but Snyder I guess new this, a quality that many of today's filmmakers don't share.

The slow-moes, ok the slow-moes are an acquired taste. Personally I don't always like slow-moes, mainly cause no one knows how to pull them off, but this film really pulled it off. I think Snyder knew the right amount to put in especially when he would shake it up from going from slow motion to really fast motion to slow again, really felt kinda cool. Now this could be a problem for some, but I say it was cool, and it's my blog. So it's cool.

Now onto the part that can be argued, the story. Now the story is more of a heroic tale rather than a story. This isn't Gladiator or Spartacus, this a simple story with one reason, 300 FUCKIN' Spartans fight thousands of FUCKIN' Persians. That's it. Snyder did do some character archs with the King Leonidas and his fellow soldiers but characters like the Persian king Xerxes, were more like flesh comic book characters, but in this film that's ok, because he was well executed. Xerxes had such power and command you knew from the beginning that he was in charge. That's all you need.

Tyler Bates did a wonderful score. Unlike Hans Zimmer or James Newton Howard, that usually get attached to these kind of films, Bates' score was very powerful, the battle sequences were so intense and thematic I thought Metallica was gonna appear outta nowhere and start rockin out. Bates also slowed down during the more slower scenes, like with Leonidas and his Queen. Very cool score, look out for Tyler Bates, he's about to get very popular very quickly. So is director Zack Snyder, other than 300 Snyder was responsible for bringing back Dawn of the Dead to screens back in 2004. I think this is a better film, but its still not a bad body of work. He's slated to bring Alan Moore's Watchman to the big screen, hopefully he'll bring to justice to the genius of Alan Moore to the screen, cause The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen was GARBAGE!. Ok V for Vendetta was a good example of a Alan Moore comic brought to screen ...."do one like that Zack."

Overall I give this film a 5 outta 5. I really enjoyed it, I consider this the kick off to the summer glut of films, even thought its March. I was heavily entertained, I applauded at many parts, and I went to bed that night sayin', 10 bucks well spent.

5 outta 5