TMNT

Finally a title I can pronounce, too bad the film sucked.

When I first got a glimpse of the teaser for TMNT last year, I couldn't find enough people to show, and now it's finally here. Now before I go one lets rewind about 17 years, I was three when the teenage mutant ninja turtles bug bit me. That was when the turtles were bigger than Jesus. They had a hit cartoon series and 3 movies out that at that age were on the same bar as Citizen Kane. I am now 20 and I still consider myself to be a kid, just with a beard, so I was very excited to watch a new turtles film, but nothing would prepare me for this.

CRAP! that was the general word that traveled through the packed theatre that opening night at 10:05 pm. The theatre was so packed with people my age, all there to rekindle their childhood memories, all were disappointed at what we were seeing. I thought after turtles part II when they started line dancing with Vanilla Ice, it couldn't get any worse, but alas I am again proven wrong. I don't think kids would have even enjoyed this crap.

The story sounded like it was written by the producers dog, Some ancient warrior bullshit and some stupid aligning of the stars crap story mixed in with a hokey brotherly feud with the turtles. AGGG!!! Why oh why don't people know how to tell stories anymore. The turtles story would have been good, I love when directors put emotional burdens on top of the hero's shoulders, it brings drama which is always good. But it was ruined by cheesy jokes, dialogue that sounded worse than a old dubbed Japanese movie, and horrible kid punk songs that sounded worse than Simple Plan, actually I think some of it was Simple Plan songs

((shudder)).

The voice acting was also terrible, the one that stood out the most was Splinter. His voice sounded like they recorded an old Japanese man right in the morning before he brushed his teeth, every line sounded like he was asleep or about to die. The turtles were OK, they all sounded the same as always, Mikey kinda got on my nerves, he got over the top sometimes. April O' Neil was voiced by Sarah Michelle Geller who added nothing to the character, she wasn't even a reporter in this film. You could almost hear Sarah Michelle Geller counting her money over the voice track. Another money grab was Patrick Stewart as the somewhat villain of this story, he must have been high reading those lame lines, oh ya i forgot $$$

The animation, finally a part that hits a lil' close to home for me, this was the only thing that saved this film. The animation wasn't bad, unless the characters weren't fighting. The fight scenes were kick ass, the turtles finally fought like they should, like in the comics, But some of the dialogue was out of sync and the animation was a bit floaty. The lighting was very nice, great job during the rain scenes, it actually looked really nice. But that couldn't save this sinking ship.

Overall this film was a big let down, coming off of 300 I thought this was gonna be a great lead into the summer wave of films, but I guess we hit a lil' speed bump, or a speed shell in this case.

I give the TMNT,

1 outta 5 pizza loving turtles

May God have mercy on us all!